I'm made to wonder if my passive aggressive behavior would be understood by my family, who hold out hope that I will go back to my running 10k self. I used to hop trains, and play basketball, now I can't open a bottle or water without help. I'm ready to say goodbye to the world I knew and accept that I just don't have the fight in anymore to be great in this world and that is ok, I can satisfy myself with watching the world pass me by. I've done a lot at 36. I don't need to do anything more, Right?? I'm maybe ready to pull the plug.

I think it would be selfish of me to keep holding them accountable for me, for the mistakes that I made in my time here and it would be best if I ease their burden and worries of me. Just leave me a carton of cigarettes and my cellphone and I will be fine.