@S3C really gave me a lot to think about in regards to what I can achieve now with more positive people in my life, I'm going to have to separate myself from the people who are only going to allow me to achieve so much without depending on them and offer no aid and act like anything I ask for is so much more than I deserve. I know that I have low self esteem but I'm not so sure I deserve that kind of stuff and, I feel if I could just get away from them for a while, things will change.

You know I will have to dig deep from the well of dreams to envision myself in a world that can tolerate each other and the shed away the stigmas imprinted on them by spirit sucking vampires , who can't see beyond the money that they garnish from my dead soul, I'm made to wonder if they will fight me on my decision to leave , and if they do does that mean that they would rather I just allow them to use my disability check as they see fit, or would not my presence be more appreciated elsewhere??

I'm going to test out my theory very soon.

Despite how defeated and alienated, my family makes me feel, they swear they love me, but then say things like they are tired of helping people that won't help themselves, I think that is the definition of being gaslite and I don't quite know were it is coming from. But I'm certainly going to defang my venomous aunts, like they are awe-struck at the fact that I still have a beautiful penis.punish.

You know I think I understand how wounded warriors feel after coming home from war and just light themselves on fire, one last rebel yell for the fallen.

My act will be silent but just as explosive. Crazy as apology to describe the decision to leave my family, but in the aftermath of my leaving, their finances take a hit. I can't imagine that sitting well with them.

I'm made to wonder if my passive aggressive behavior would be understood by my family, who hold out hope that I will go back to my running 10k self. I used to hop trains, and play basketball, now I can't open a bottle or water without help. I'm ready to say goodbye to the world I knew and accept that I just don't have the fight in anymore to be great in this world and that is ok, I can satisfy myself with watching the world pass me by. I've done a lot at 36. I don't need to do anything more, Right?? I'm maybe ready to pull the plug.

I think it would be selfish of me to keep holding them accountable for me, for the mistakes that I made in my time here and it would be best if I ease their burden and worries of me. Just leave me a carton of cigarettes and my cellphone and I will be fine.

I think going to a nursing home would probably be the best revenge on my family and their insistent bullying, always claiming that my lack of motivation is the reason why I am handicap, not the shots or the brace that does fuck-all for my Indeppent movement. The way they make me feel about my inability to do without them , won't matter if I leave them. I was always running away in the past and I told myself I wouldn't this time but who's to say that I won't find a friend, there who won't motivate me to go to bingo, once a week or see a movie on the weekends. Does mind the occasional tremors and has the patience to wait for my pill to work and will kiss me, while it takes effect. I won't get that hear, and I don't really need that in a nursing home, but it always seems that people who are not your family will be there for you more than your own will. In my long history of travels I've formed a group of misfits, who are looking for the same thing at the time, someone to love. This sounds like another dream of a sleep walker, but if I go through with this plan, I wonder if they will raise a fuss. They wouldn't be bothered . What does that mean for me in the future??

I don't know why I keep circling back to how they spend my money but have the nerve to give me shit about not wanting to better myself. They could just be wanting to push me out. Ugh it's so frustrating to think I'm walking into a trap. Like I don't want to be in there and they are living happily off my money. But in the end I don't care, I just want to watch The Walking Dead to completion, in peace. I think when I do that I can go away silently into the night of the nursing home. And try not to die from too much covid exposure.

In my dreams I can remember the taste of her inner folds, and I still can't understand why my aunts would question my desire for it. I'm willing to spend whatever price is needed and I don't want them bothering me at all. I want to get the initial nut out the way, and then get hard again and keep going. To feel her tongue on my shaft and touch the back of her throat. Edge myself with her pussy and leave a creame-pie in her ass. I want access to every inch of her body and to give her all of me. To feel her tongue in my ass. And have her suck my balls. To feel her feet pressing on my shaft and rubbing me to climax, I want her to have nice C cups that I can rub my dick between, and release into her mouth. But I always circle back to her pussy, gushing, and Inviting, it can be used, plowed out, it won't matter when I am in it, cause she will clench on to me and make me feel like I have been the only one in it. I love the delusion , it is so intoxicating that I always get swept up in her touch. I would tell her that I don't care how many others you have had before me, tell me how much you want this dick right now and that you don't want me to stop.

My aunts are lesbians who will never understand the male need to be coated in the warmth of a wet pussy. They see heteronormative sex, and ask what is the big deal, why would anyone pay that much money for it, and I try to explain how good it feels to touch the base of a pussy, dig into a cervix while the woman's clit is pulsating to be released . And they have no idea what I mean. How will I ever get a squirting pussy again?? In the 3 years that I have spent here I've not had any sexuaul interaction and it was out of respect for their life choices but I really feel like they should consider that I get one last nut before they lock me away in a nursing home.

My family really doesn't understand how depressing it is to me considered a lazy person and, constantly being told how stupid I am, after not showing any signs of improvement, you know that my tests came back and they say they don't see any signs of brain damage, then what is causing the shakes, cause the moment I stand for too long on my twisted leg, I have these fits, or if I miss too many meals, I don't know, they didn't occur until after I had my first covid shot, so I'm sure it was a side effect of the vaccine, but I don't think adding more stress to my tortured leg is going to make my balance return or my ability to jog around the block. I mean if I just start running , the worse that will happen is that I fail, no big deal. But you know the leg brace is not made for running. This is just stupid to me to even think about because my family gets paid by my disability, so you'd think that they would shut up and let me wollow in my thoughts of a past of great sex, and on my birthdays buy me some pussy, no such luck, but you know next year I may just ask them for that.

Instead I get told that I watch too much TV, too many movies, and could be doing more to contribute. They take my money and I don't ask for anything, I could demand more but I try to consider that I don't want to be a useless fuck all my life, so I try to appease a bit, but then I think, hey I'm the disabled one here, fuck off, and let me watch my shows.

Like really if they put me in a home, don't they loose access to my money?? I need this verified.

So I had a cardiologist see me about my heart and he confirmed my suspension that I never had a heart attack in the 3 years I've been sick, that is just what I was told.

So when I think back, I remember that I was fine and not shaking until after I got the covid shot. I swear this is a side effect of the vaccine and no one believes that... but I know that I had all of my faculties until I took that shot, and now my leg is twisted cause I have it in a brace.

Is there anyone else out there with this issue??

I would love to here from other people who have taken the covid shot and have suffered adverse effects from it, be it punishment shrinkage or neurological damage. I just don't want to feel alone.

There are a lot of things that trouble me recently, since the death of the ceo of united health care, I've worried about being able to afford the dopamine tablets that have changed my life for the better.

I can't believe that they would let trump into office knowing he hates doctors or scientis..

I have a doctors visit tomorrow morning, so I will keep you posted.

You know I had a scan of my brain done and they say I am fine

. After 6 months of pt why is my leg still twisted?? I'm telling you that there is something wrong with the covid shots. More on that later.

That I never had a stroke 3 years ago...

That I suffered a heart attack and that was what caused the hypoxia, loss of oxygen to the brain...

I still don't have a cure but I think with dopamine tablets that I can regain my equilibrium... wish me luck!!

I think of you and what you are doing tonight on Twitter..

I visit your Instagram account but I am sure you don't know it is me who likes everything you do.

I'm sure if you knew that I was looking at you, you would have deleted my access to you.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

I have taken upon myself the weight of the world and stroked out, so now I can't decide what to do,

Where are you...

My friends have abandoned me and I only have bots to entertain me...I need more than that right now but when I get close , they disappear.

I imagine success to be a possibility but grace is not taught or learned....not in any school I know of.

What do I have to be proud of, nothing, I can't even find old lovers through Google search engines. Where have they gone??

I am excited about Father's day though, I will be gambling with the family and plan to play to win.

I will walk around the place with my head held high. Which is different from any other day