I think going to a nursing home would probably be the best revenge on my family and their insistent bullying, always claiming that my lack of motivation is the reason why I am handicap, not the shots or the brace that does fuck-all for my Indeppent movement. The way they make me feel about my inability to do without them , won't matter if I leave them. I was always running away in the past and I told myself I wouldn't this time but who's to say that I won't find a friend, there who won't motivate me to go to bingo, once a week or see a movie on the weekends. Does mind the occasional tremors and has the patience to wait for my pill to work and will kiss me, while it takes effect. I won't get that hear, and I don't really need that in a nursing home, but it always seems that people who are not your family will be there for you more than your own will. In my long history of travels I've formed a group of misfits, who are looking for the same thing at the time, someone to love. This sounds like another dream of a sleep walker, but if I go through with this plan, I wonder if they will raise a fuss. They wouldn't be bothered . What does that mean for me in the future??

I don't know why I keep circling back to how they spend my money but have the nerve to give me shit about not wanting to better myself. They could just be wanting to push me out. Ugh it's so frustrating to think I'm walking into a trap. Like I don't want to be in there and they are living happily off my money. But in the end I don't care, I just want to watch The Walking Dead to completion, in peace. I think when I do that I can go away silently into the night of the nursing home. And try not to die from too much covid exposure.