My life has been one in which I have been surrounded by beautiful women who I never touch. To spring up conversation has never been a problem for me, but to engage with people that can clearly careless about what you think or can add to the community is rough. Add on top of that language barriers that only allows for each of you to only express approval of the other by looks and quite confessions made to friends in passing. Secret messages that were not really intended to go further than, "I like seeing them around." Or "I have not seen them in a while, I wonder what they are up to?"

Her English is not the best and because my Spanish is rather poor I am led to believe that there are all sorts of feelings of insecurity that you'd never recognize because their is no language that can be used to convey how each of you feel. When we stand face to face, it really shows forth how different our worlds are and how separated people can be from one another and live in the same town.

I never did take time to meet with Estela after a mutual friend suggested that she has been interested in me for these two years of our acquaintance. It has got me to thinking about my experience with the fairer sex and I have become more and more disturbed by the woman's ability to shift all of her issues, her worries, her doubts, her insecurities, her lack, her self-worth, onto the lap of a man, insisting upon his advice and completely ignoring it, and then accusing him of selfishness when he expresses a need for more prudence and patience. I dare say their is no weakness in the notion and when we are living in a time, when poor judgements can not only hinder us, but can literally cripple us, why would anyone seek to argue against their continued application.

Selfishness, ingratitude, thanklessness.

It was suggested that because I have such a sharp demeanor, no one will want to live with me. This from the same women that when they lack, upon grit and grace I've provided for them selflessly.

Estela's co-worker told me about her, one day when I went shopping. Typically I ignore the whispers of women, except Estela brings sweetness when she is around, most of the time. That is until a few days ago. After I gave her access to my email, websites, and art work. I asked her to tell me what she thought about my blogs and books and I knew her English was poor, but Art speaks a language that translates in all languages normally.

I gave her a few days and returned to the store, which interestingly enough is family owned and is never in the local paper. They advertise for themselves, but if you were not from my town you never would have known about it. I go there for spices and such. Well I will never know what turned her cold. As I entered the store the next few times, her willingness to speak to me waned. Because I am the way I am, I did not ask why, I did not speak at all. 

She was satisfied in acting as if I did not exist.

This is what has always disturbed me about a woman. It was as if, I was to engage conversation and show that I was interested and if I don't then she won't. I don't even know how to spell her name, is it Estela with two 'L's' or one, is she a Lopez or a Beltran, is she, is she, is she. A million questions and I am perfectly fine with leaving them unanswered if it means I must suffer some sense of humiliation from those around her or even her because some things might get lost in translation. 

Wanting more than what the airport bathroom had to offer, Sarah decides to take her new toy home.

After a while of recapturing what was started in the bathroom it began to dawn on Sarah that as willing as the narcissist was to have sex with her public she was rather naïve to some of the more exotic methods of sex. When she asked her, “Can you give me a 69 that will send me to Pluto?” She only looked at her.

 Sarah was sure she was simply playing coy, surely everyone knows what a “69,” is and maybe she just did not have a real grasp of English, so she proposed to say it in Japanese. Still no sign of understanding.

 Sarah was very surprised and pleased to find that there was something she could teach her new friend before her trek to Poland.

Surely as adept as she was and willing to have sex in a public bathroom, she would have already been well indoctrinated in the ways of oral sex.

She has lips as sweet as black berries and a tongue to curl for. How dare she not know that she can use that pleasant mouth for more than declaring in her narcissistic manner, how needed she is in the studio in a few hours.

 Sarah laughs sweetly to herself, she can miss a weeks’ worth of work in Poland for this; The chance to teach the innocent of swallowing and snowballing only comes once in a life time, after that well the cherry is popped and her nose is wide open, she will love it so much, she will begin to expect it, every time they get together.

 There may be a work of art depicting “Cold War Lingerie,” by Henryk Fantazos, sitting and waiting for her to feast her eyes and give a written discourse of her thoughts on the showcase to the Dream Weaver, who sits in his loft tower, contemplating his next socialite pitch, but very little can turn her away from this moment of ecstasy.

To feel the back of her little black bird’s throat is enough to a make her whine and bite her lip. To hear the moans of her partner as she slurps and sucks on her pulsating clit, filled with heat and smut, is music to Sarah’s ears and have made her trip to Japan to view Ilyaev’s  https://www.deviantart.com/ilyaev  exposes worth the effort.        

https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/doclew/another-girl-in-yellow

I wonder at times If I have ever shared with others who inspires my desire for art. When I browse galleries and showcases of works from others, what really touches me.

I mean there are a lot of artists out there. Everyone wants their moment in the sun and to be remembered and honored and all that jazz.

Except at the end of the day very few of them can move me like DocLew. I can barely move myself as well as her pen makes me dance. I  am sure she does not use a pen, I am not sure how to say pen in Italian at the moment, but I will learn. I don't think my art will learn to be Italian but it has learned that If I ever get bored with my own works, I can just slide over to her gallery section and bask in the way she makes colors and angels move to her Pide Pippering fingers.

I love your work so much Lady of Pulp and Noir and I hope you continue with all joy in your search of artistic bliss.

You have brought a lot to me and if no one else has said so, I don't mind being open about my support of your work.

I am sure I have said so in the past that, every time you present a piece it is Holy Righteous Fire on a canvas, but I say a lot in  a week.

https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/doclew/yellow

I am curious about the hidden meaning behind Yellow. Is that in celebration of the fall season which here in America is turning very fast into winter?

The state or process of turning bestial, depravation, corruption, degradation, dehumanization, is the overall thought of what Henryk Fantazos was trying to convey in his work entitled “Beastalinization”.

I suppose it was to confirm beliefs in support of Destalinization of most of known Europe and east of the Baltics.

Sarah the Switch Hitter is a woman keen on adventures that take her far from home. A home that has shut out her culture of the news and when it does become a feature, they are a group normally pushing and winning a lawsuit.

 I first introduced Sarah sitting in a red chair with a blue backdrop background and a white shadow on the floor with a baseball with a USA logo, all in hopes of getting you to understand her stance as a crossdressing transgender in America.  https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/sarah-the-switch-hitter  I personally enjoyed how she sits, displaying an anatomy that is receiving a lot of negative publicity.

 For instance, Donna Zuckerberg in her new book, “Not All Dead White Men,”  suggests that men who feel society is set up to privilege women often look to classical texts for backup and defense of misogynistic beliefs such as patriarchal rule to be more appreciated than matriarchal ones.

After hearing this I was made to wonder what Sarah would have to say, or those like her. Who live in a grey area and are not confound to the rules presented in classical texts.

 Sarah travels a lot for her career, recently she visited Japan and in the airport she passes the model of a well renowned and adept digital artist,    Ilyaev, who is living in Japan but is not Japanese. The woman in the black dress modeled as a raven haired “narcissist,” to aid the artist is illustrating what it means to be one. She was holding a dead black bird.  https://www.deviantart.com/ilyaev

 One would have thought a narcissist was harder to convince to meet Sarah in the airport bathroom, considering how self-centered they are supposed to be.

In short order she is able to round third base and fill in the home plate.

A friend of Sarah’s saw the woman in black and was sure she could secure an easy $80.00 from the winnings associated with Sarah’s failure in seducing a woman who loves to cry, if it garners the attention of others. She was certain the woman would stab Sarah with that needle she keeps in her hair, for approaching her so bluntly in the airport lobby.

 Nothing of the sort happened.

Sarah has always had a charming disposition. Accompanied with an admirable nature few can resist. Or even want to. It could be imagined that her only real competition in this world is Natalie Mars https://twitter.com/theNatalieMars

 She was very interested in her Japanese conquest, she did not care that she never got her name. Just to feel inside of her was enough to sooth the raging beast that tends to distract our typically sweet, “summer girl.”

Ask Sarah about “Beastalinization,” and she will tell you of the time she nearly missed her flight to Poland, all on account of her little black bird.

My most recent pieces, No Nut November and Sarah the Switch Hitter, I could even add "Stretch," "Neko Love," and "Inktober Day 20-Breakable," to this list of motivated and enlighting discussion.

Each piece was built from the theme presented in the song from MUSE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek0SgwWmF9w

Whenever I listen to that song and watch the video I am reminded of how ever contreversial conversation, the ideas of interracial relations, bondage, and the Futanari are all moments in which LOVE is the ultimate goal.

He asks the question, "Is this love or is this just maddness trying to take control?"

There are a lot more occurances in life with this question becomes relevant but I am sure those that look at my collections are made to confront this same thought.

Part of me wonders what decision have you come up with, and if it is love, I hope you all get a chance to dance with me and learn not to be so head strong.

  Well I nearly had a heart attack today.
I have been nearly a month into my work and presentations and I receive the worst possible correspondence from those that believe they have a say in what is contextually appropriate and not appropriate for self-publication.

It all began with my desire to give #Futari a place in the line up of ink compositions  under the premise, that because it has not been done before it should bring an audience. Yeah right, normally when something has not been done before, it is because their is a hidden majority that waits in the shadows to suggest, a person is breaking their invisible rules.
 I have been made to mar my present collection of showcases to appease this silent majority of viewers and still it is considered too explicit for support from the franchise.
 Once it was suggested that I draw bad on purpose and the patron wanted to know why. The truth, because when I draw well, when I give my heart into an idea, I must be careful as to who reads it and who has access to it.

 One slip of judgement leaves me to have to explain my decision making abilities and why I deem my works not to be "pornographic," or any more "pornographic," than the next creator of erotic and adult content. When I consider the fact that I did label the product as mature, intended for a mature audience, and I am expecting to pull a crowd of interested buyers into my own personal thoughts of the erotic and adult arena, opposed to what they are already accustomed to, I become somewhat livid at the limitations placed on an artists product.
 Short of completely erasing the image and leaving a phantom of a thought upon the canvas, there is nothing left.

That is the intention is it not? To completely erase from the spectrum an ideal of a world that exists outside of what you are comfortable with seeing. If so, shame on you.
Shame on you or suggesting that you are here to give access for artists to showcase their work, ask them for money to do so, and then ask them to completely deface their products if it happens to rub you the wrong way. I suppose what really bothers me, is the idea that I am not in a position to argue. Though I may have cause, I do not have enough of a support system to back my claim that some ideas of smut, pornography, and the eradication of erotic art is discriminatory, abusive, and slanted.
There are too many that would suggest, because I showed a woman's ass, it is pornographic. Put some clothes on her and it would be better. Really. That is where we are. Victorian Era expectations of art. Well then, looks like I am going to have dig real deep and find some more Noir, to showcase. I am going to rid you of your desire to deny the artist of any caliber a place of serenity, due to your closeted and selfish views of what is appropriate. 

MaidLoverVale#6087 of Discord recently discussed with me the value of virginity. In our discussion she suggested that “virginity,” does not have a face and it is impossible to tell a virgin from a promiscuous person.

 Desiring to take up the challenge of proving to her that indeed virginity has a face I set out on a little adventure. During my exploration she supplied me with clues as to what others have said about the identity of a virgin.

She was told of the “Nose Wide Open,” syndrome connected to the loss of virginity:

w8 for real? my nose will change

I was presently amused and suggested:

 haha they do say the loss of virginity is akin to having your nose wide open...that is an African American euphemism and I did not think it applied to everyone. I mean there is a certain credence given to the fact that not everyone's first time is the same as others. Some noses are widened further than others and some find pleasure in deeper forms than others.

She had heard of this occurrence and was put off by the culture surrounding virginity. I had to let her know You won't be a 40 year old virgin though...you've been hunting for a mate for a while.

You will find what you are looking...I am thinking how best to really depict a virgin face. See I avoided virgins growing up, while all my other friends that is all they wanted. Real Vamps when it came to that stuff. I always felt those moments where too special to defile with all the forms of Eros love. I was a big Felicity Porter fan growing up

In my search I found. There is a lot of talk centered around her because of the American ideal, which suggests that women of the African American culture are less devoted to the institution of marriage and more inclined to support “free love,” at an early age and gave way to Aretha Franklin’s “Sock it to me.”

 I decided to draw Ms. Smith first as the image of virginity because of her stance on keeping herself pure until the right man comes along.

Virginity has become the gift that gives millions to the right buyer.

While looking in the back of my mind for the “Face of Virginity,” and residing myself to failure in being able to do more than what has already been presented on the idea of virginity. With the likes of Carlo-Dolcies conception of “virginity,” created in 1616-1686, my excitement rose as I become aware of the

hefty price tag on such a wonderful gift.

 Though I can never achieve more than the greats Virginity has a face and several people are motivated in numerous directions to reap the benefits from it.

For instance, Irina Gladkik was arrested for trying to sell her 13-year-old daughter’s virginity. She is presented in the third panel, of my artistic rendering, of “Face of Virginity.”

One of the highest grossing virgins’ is a Romanian worth 2.5 million. She is presented in the fourth panel.

Since I do not stand a chance against Carlo-Dolcies, it became more of an interest to me that the worth of virginity has always been sold with the face of a woman, and she is given many words of support or high honor for keeping it.

While men are laughed to scorn for suggesting they are capable of such thoughts of virtue.

Purity is encouraged by many spiritual leaders as a unisexual achievement and society has found a way to turn such training into a pointless exercise of anti-solicit behavior. We have turned sex into a commodity and instead of being upset that ‘virginity,’ can only be sold once and there is never enough money to go around, many have deemed the practice to be a kin to prostitution and worth the time it takes to incarcerate these perpetrators against ‘virginity.’  

In 2016 model Anna Feschneka, 17, flew to Dubai, desiring to sell her virginity for $13,000 to a wealthy Arab of the UAE. According to her it would have been a “privilege,” had her mother not contacted the police.

The second image is of the famed 3.9 million dollars, 19-year-old, who is nearly 21 by now. After selling her virginity, Frank Chung a.k.a @Frankchung of twitter, records that she considered it a “dream come true.” Giselle is her name and she feels she can buy a new life now thanks to selling her virginity.

She considered the process of selling her virginity an “emancipation,” which is a much better word that “reparations,” associated with the pursuit of legalizing marijuana to aid the dying African-American Wall Street in America and around the globe.

Cinderella Escorts indeed.

26-year-old Jan Zakobielski would be considered a dealer in the “Face of Virginity.”

In Northern Botswana there are annual “Reach4Life,” Events hosted by Paster Jerry Backey. Where they seek to teach ‘restoration,’ through abstinence and a commitment to a faith filled life. There is more information at www.lovebotswanna.org.

All this information and yet I’ve still not given you a true definition of the “Face of Virginity.”

I like to think, through it all, I was able to capture the essence of the idea, in the final panel.

A blushing beautiful bride filled with the joy of the mystery that is her mate. Is on of the definitions of virginity.    

The last time we spoke it was Inktober Day 23 Muddy. I went on to explain how muddy things can get in pursuit of creative relevancy.

 This discussion has become a motif as it where, among the few I have come to know and myself personally. There are many that are not willing to settle for the vain accolades of unimaginative donors, who believe because they are willing to pay for an idea, that they own the idea.

 Idea’s are useless without the proper Dream Weaver to bring to life what one imagines.

Recently I was asked, “Why all the NSFW and Futa art, lately?”

Well, If I have not answered in previous journals I will do so now. I wanted to incorporate the genre in this year’s #Inktober, partially because no one else has done it, and secondly because I appreciate those that find pleasure in such art. I was asked to draw Yana’s Original character and though I am not fond of drawing other’s work, #Fanart has its place. For those that have something against it, there is always someone contending against something they themselves can not do, I suggest you try it, publicly, opposed to hiding your fetish in the closet and choosing to judge those that are open about what makes them happy. It will be a horrible shame, when one day someone comes and finds that after all your caterwauling about what you don’t like, and how much disdain you carry for the mode of thought, that secretly, the entire time, you like or have fantasied about the pleasure’s derived from anal sex.

 There are many that speak violently against sex in general. For those of you that do try listening to Alicia Keys - Holy War and carry that same idea around.

“Neko Love,” was simply a colored rendition to an idea that I was asked to create. I did not judge the man that asked me for the image. I do not feel he is less, than a man because of his tastes. Instead I find him bold and appreciated because he looked at my talent and was assured after a few panels that I could bring his Dream to life. I am proud of him, at least he had the willingness to dream.

 “Chop,” was developed on Inktober Day 24 and it received 3.66 stars out of 5. For whatever reason I missed 4/5-star rating and I am not bothered. It was a piece devised to show what kind of life I live. One deep in the dark woods and still relying on wood to keep me warm. I draw to pass my time and I write books to stave away the freeze that comes upon a person’s imagination due to a lack of exposure to anything besides what they are used to.

 “Prickly,” received nearly 3/5 stars and it is simply illustrating what I see every morning in my front yard as I collect wood. These images that mean only more to me because I am the creator have received affection from passing fans, simply because they are. I was most surprised to find that after producing Inktober Day 25, I can use the very image for Christmas. Most interesting indeed.

 But when I ask you to “Stretch,” your imagination just a little, to reach for the goal of your heart and find pleasure in the comforts that are willing to surround you, I receive hate mail?

Inktober Day 26 was not about hate at all, yet that is what came out of the mind of a viewer and into my personal inbox. Hatred for the very act that causes them to have the ability to waste vapor and to suggest they hate something.

 That image received 167 views 7 votes and would have received more stars and appreciation if those that where looking at the image where not so stuck on how the world would see them if they were found with a collection under their beds. I am made to wonder if they carry that same mindset about who it is they desire to “stretch,” their lives for?

 I imagine they would not stretch their lives for anyone. Most of what they care about is superficial and doomed to fade in time anyone.  To dust we ar’t and to dust we will return.

Unfortunately, I do not plan to be hindered in any fashion, be it by the grave, or the will of the NSFW haters, Erotica disdainers, Liberation-sequesters, who would deny a person a place in the Hall of Fame of Art, because the content is controversial.  

 It is just as bad being denied publication because someone feels, Fantasy and Comics are an “inferior storytelling medium.”    

All of which  makes me want to bring the #Thunder

Muddy:

That is how my world has become.

 I have come to a point in my life where I can truly relate to the tree frog who, despite the conditions of his quagmire, of an environment, he is determined to climb upon the stems of success, that will bring him closets to the peek of the blossom, that is his dream achieved.

 It has been reported that after sending off more than 1,000 satellites around the planet, we still don’t know all of the secrets of the Amazon Basin, Antarctica, nor the mountains of the Himalayas.

 Oumuamua sneaks past the Earth on October 2017, originating from a direction our eye’s in the sky could not tell, and no one wants to talk about it.

 Stuart Russell, Frank Sauer, and Stephen Hawking all delved into an  Autonomic Weapons race, believing AI to be the future, “Whoever becomes the leader in this sphere, will become ruler of the world.”

Can’t wait until we all go back to slinging mud.

Expensive: Are the keys to the heart of Solomon.

(For those that do not know Alicia Keys, she is the woman dancing in front of the pyramids, I imagine that is what the Queen of Sheba looked like when she danced for Solomon.)  https://twitter.com/aliciakeys I suppose I should read her new book, "Tears For Water," to see what she is talking about.

 I spent nearly a hundred dollars on a piece of “Big Eye,” art, devised by a close friend of mine. Why?

https://www.deviantart.com/katiesapphire/art/Adventvoice-OC-portret-COMMISSION-769378391

Because I believe in supporting my local artists, those close to me.

Many of my closet’s friends share in my pain and happiness. They read my journals and are always good for advice. The thing is, if I don’t do my part, if I don’t give as much as I can, why would I expect them to give to me in return? Charity?

That’s not what this guild is about. It is expensive and well worth the effort.

Every pen stroke, every paint mark, every graphite trail, presents a view of the world that would have been lost. Before the digital advancements we have today, this skill was passed onto me by a “father figure,” who wanted noting but “perfection,” from me.

 Never was my art good enough because it didn’t look exactly like the muse I was setting to canvas. I was five when He first set me down in front of an easel and in the distance placed a picture of a lion. He asked me to draw the lion just as I see it. I was not to move until my sketch was exactly as the original image. He taught me how to not look at the image and allow my hand to recreate what my mind sees.

 This was an expensive venture, expensive and exasperating on the mind.

I have always been a fan of “Big Eye,” art and when I see it I like to commend the artist for achieving in a venture, I have yet to attempt but desire to do so immensely. I never thought I’d be someone’s muse of the very medium of art that brings me joy.