This idea struck me back on November 20 2019:

$2,000.00 USD and sexual snapshots of sexy women pouding themselves and pleasing themselves with plastic replicas of the manhood that makes their mouths and vagina’s drool. I am finally satisfied with the content I have been producing in association with SuperChatLive.com. Filling my journals with art and thoughts on the good and bad of the experience.

I did not need to spend that much money and I am curtain I have spent more than that in a short month. It is a really addictive and interactive platform. Some of the women are demanding; but aren’t women demanding in the real world, on a regular basis even without the temptation of tokens and the money they can earn from laying on their backs and moaning?

I am doing this project to help me save money. Working on all of these sketches prevent me from interacting with the site for at least a month and make those that were interacting with me on the site, at least miss all of the fun we had.

The heart begs and pleads for what pleases but what pleases can be taken advantage of if it is always seen.

I was able to get some of the women, who could have controlled the situation a lot better, to confess loving me, emailing me personally and sending me images of their climatic finishes to add to my art collection. I had professional prostitutes love me and despite not having tokens, they were willing to fap for me outside of the platform. That is a skill in manipulation I do not take for granted and enjoy playing with the hearts of women that would have done the same to me, given half the chance.

All for the sake of art and getting the story worth sharing.

The truth is, no one is getting over on anyone, besides SuperChatLive.com. They run away with all of the money, they pay the girls 100.00 while the users, men like me, pay out thousands of dollars a session. As normal, the online platform is the pimp and the consumer and girl is given the shaft for the few minutes of pleasure they can sneak in the 2 hours allotted. Some of the girls take it hard. The idea of having to put on their plastic smiles for hours at a time for 100.00 and having to listen or read comments from losers. Then there are those that find a guy the like, one willing to pay and they put on their best face, but they can’t get him to stay because he is not trying to blow his load or tokens on one girl.

After a few weeks of this you can see the taunt drain of energy, desire or ability to bust a nut on their faces. They become numb and need nearly 1,000 tokens or more to climax, when it used to take 11-77 tokens.

I’ve had women ask me for 999 tokens for no more than playing with their lovers with a dildo and it takes them another 400 tokens to squirt. By the end I am broke and they are bored. It could have been a wonderful idea of the company would not shaft their workers/models, the girls and paid them more out of what they collected from the guys for the few tokens they spend.

I mean if a woman knew 2,000 tokens = 200.00 and it went to her directly and the platform was paid like Tumblr and Facebook, based on traffic, not commission, then the millions that spend with them, would not have felt they were being shafted or made to horde tokens. I am just a user mind you. They, the platform, want my money, not my ideas of what is good business and what is bad. But you know, there are professional whores I know that would not touch SuperChatLive.com because being shafted out of pay they can earn, through twitter, to social networking and the pleasure from real life contact made with clients they have grown to respect and trust, can’t be achieved from such a cloistered-fucked-platform. Another thing I don’t like is that they would take something I love, sex, and turn it into a stale, token collecting sham. That leaves both the girl and the client wanting, frustrated, and pissed that the sex is not always as good as it could or should be. While I am jacking and watching her Fap or in the middle of a heated roll of pussy fucking, I hear the annoying and dick killing slogan, “More Tokens Please!”

Yeah—I am not cheap either—$2,000.00 and a line of women all fighting for a few tokens proves it. What a sad month it turned out to be. I am glad it is over.

Then I am sad because I can’t not dream of those girls, seeing them in my mind and wanting to give them more but never sure how. For me most answers to life’s struggles, the social ones, the economic ones the battle for food, companionship and shelter, prosperity or the lack there of, the fulfillment of dreams, all of it has, for me, a central point surrounding art. The production of it, the maintaining it and the eventual selling of it, if we are able to capture the energy built from the pain of mans created stresses, put an attractive face to it, illustrate the portrait and craft our longings, hope can be seen, navigated and pursued. For without vision, the people perish.

When I am not writing about the racial difficulties of my town, the lack of money to go around, my inability to acquire a credit card or encouraging the purchasing of the few pieces I’ve chosen to make, I am seeking to encourage prostitutes and sex workers to consider the potential of having their lives immortalized upon the canvas.    

 It is really sad, I know, but I’ve not been motivated this year to do anything much for the Christmas holidays. Could be because I spent so much money on smut that I’m in debt to my ears and I am stressing over if I will have enough money to pay taxes and this damn traffic ticket, I received on Thanksgiving, or it could be that there is not much I can do in a week to illustrate my love for this holiday season and I can’t afford gifts—I did not put my tree up until the 16th of December, and it was a drag to see myself pulling that damn thing from under the house, put the decorations on it, and place the one wine gobblet, I bought as a present, under the tree and be alone to appreciate my work.

 I am just so damn lonely this year and I did not have this trouble last year and I don’t think I am handling this right. Art is not proving to be good therapy at the moment, because I can not conjure up a good piece of art for this month to save my life.

 The classic music bores me. I don’t live in an English village covered in snow, filled with carolers and bakers selling warm cookies. I can imagine a Charles Dickens setting and craft a story of gratefulness as well as he – but with no snow, my landscape reminds me of Ohio without the bitter cold. Brown, wet, muddy and not much of a winter at all. Damn Indian summer messed up my chances to take some good snow white postcards for you all.

 I can’t remember the last time I’ve had the Christmas blues and what I did to get over them. I don’t drink anymore and that could be my issue as well. I’ve been going through some kind of furlong withdrawls and my body desires to be drunk instead of dulled by the boredom of this season.

 Took me 16 days but I finally made some Christmas Cheer, bloom in my home. Took some pictures I plan on sharing with friends and family and I am nearly finished with the art associated with the season. It may not be pleasant overall or bring smiles to anyone beyond the cynic, but it reflects, truthfully how I feel about so much that is going on in the world, on the one month you’d think people would attempt civility.

 The people of China are still protesting against the encroachments of Communist Beijing. The people of France are setting fire to the bus routes, well maybe not literally, but they have shut down most of the rural entrances to the heart of the city, slowing down production. That’s never good. In my home town the people wave their Confederate flags, no burning crosses, but that’s only because we’ve not had a cold winter. No, snow. Not yet at least.

 While the world protests Brexit and the dismantling of the EU, I’ve chosen to protest whatever come over the people that made them decide to sell cold coffee and cold cookies.

 It might seem like a small matter compared to finding ways to celebrate my sons birthday. An issue I’ve put on the back burner for nine years now. Thing is, I can’t and I am sure others do not like to function on cold coffee, tea, or beat back the idea that room temperature cookies are no better than stale ones.

 I could talk about the millions stolen from African banks since October, in the Kleptocracy Asset Recovery Initiative and abroad. How the World Bank can’t or won’t explain the disappearance or the money and how the number of poor in Africa rises higher for the new year. We could discuss the constant Polish struggle of the social conservative verses the DLA, an ongoing news item, since 1989. Maybe we should talk about the President and how his quotes of excellent job growth and employment is a clear exaggeration and to many their has been no growth or change in the economy since 2009. Ten years of limited factory production. Chinese trade war and protests are not helping.

 The world all over is too stale to focus on Christmas and I am not the only one pondering how to earn enough to pay the taxes on my home; but none of this justifies being served cold coffee in the dead of winter.     

Well I finally managed to give out thanks to all of the artists...well not all...of the creators but a few that have supported me this year and I hope will stick around for more in the coming years.

And of course I like to publish things that others turn their noses up at, or refuse to look at without scorn and a need to cause inferiority complexes upon illustrators and graphic artists on my own personal website: https://avproductionsblog.wordpress.com/

I really enjoy the ability to uplift other artists and creative writers. Promoting their talents, along side my own and not allowing the corporate world to have all the control on what is marketable material. It has only been fours years since I have begun this journey but all of those I have met along the way, have made my experience as a producer of low-brow art and NSFW or just art general, a memorable one.

I really do know what my life would have been like without finding an artist like Elyria Steele, https://www.hentai-foundry.com/user/ElyriaSteele/profile  and ask her to take time out of her busy schedule to illustrate something for me and get the word out about who she is. I remember the days when other artists would draw Spider-Man in their style, or Mad-Maxx and loved the idea of someone taking the time to bring my own creations to life, in their style.

https://www.deviantart.com/cyberkitten01 CyberKitten01 was much of the same motivation in my proposition and he did a wonderful job of bringing Alexia to the forefront in his pin-up collection. https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/coat The fact that he desired to do so, despite how infantile my work is compared to his own is a tribute to our guild I suppose.

Of course I don’t take too much credit for the increase in my fan base at Newgrounds.com but there are several people that have been avid supports for a while that I may not have mentioned before: https://mylladynx.newgrounds.com/ https://mettatonthesexyboss.newgrounds.com/ https://jackrak.newgrounds.com/  https://steffmoc.newgrounds.com/ people come and go, but when they stick around, it is nice to read about yourself I am sure. https://cyberdevil.newgrounds.com/  https://bmesias063.newgrounds.com/art (Who have been by my side from my early years are shaping up to be the best advisers a guy can ask for.) 68 followers and counting and I can not get over how @Lewdua  https://lewdua.newgrounds.com/ treats me as an equal. I am so impressed with her. I have to show some love to KJimmy: who’s friendship has meant the world to me. https://kjimmy.newgrounds.com/

I really can not say that enough!! It is not that I am downing myself or too humble to realize when I have something good, or so impressed with other artists that I feel I will never measure up. It is simply when you see something good, you want to share it and I like talking about my friends, opposed to myself all the time.

The real show stopper of, "This Year in Review," and that I am really proud of featuring and should have set as the cover of this issue was "Strawberry,"

 https://baraag.net/@Strawberry Her work for me was right on time and the best way I could show some more love to the Italian goddess https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/medral-fortuna-favet-fortibus-alice I really wanted to display a piece that highlighted her love of dark themes

and bring to the public a mix of arousal for what is conventionally considered scary. Well for those that are not a fan of Twilight, then overall this is just not something you would be aroused by. For me though, Werewolves falling in love with red-headed fire-brands is always attractive. Strawberry really out did herself and I thank her forever for the work she did for me and happened to enjoy doing, though it was not something she does normally.

Overall this has been a massive year of wonderful renditions of art and I have been pleased to share them with you.

 In my latest project Sayuri Tee, https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/sayuri-tee I mentioned a website called SuperChatLive.com and how I advise all of you to stay away from it. In no way am I advocating the site or desiring you to fall into the pit, I have found myself in for the past 3 months.

Back in October I found this site that allows those who use it to masturbate on live cam. The idea was wonderful. Pay a bunch of women with online tokens to do things sexually and watch you do things, or just talk. That is what me and Sayuri Tee would do. She loved to look at my ass and dick and I loved to watch her moan and cum.

Anyway, the site was cool, until the moderators began to do some strange things with my account. It began around November. Right when I published the article and art of Valeri Wow Boobs https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/valeri-wow-boobs . The Russian, who I met on the site, with the 80 H breasts. I tried to cancel my account and it worked and I felt since we were all paid up and I owed no more money I could walk away with my little 300.00 in the bank and call things even. Until I go to the bank and they tell me 1,053.00 was siphoned from my account and I owed the bank 1,000.00+ USD I don’t have. Did not have and still don’t have.

I can’t even apply for a loan from the various online vultures out there, just waiting for an idiot like myself to come along and ask to go into debt to pay some bills. It is amazing to me that no lender will touch me right now. My credit is not the best, sitting at a 645, but that is good enough for most people I hear about that use the loan companies like a charity vault. How is it, others can put up there homes, cars, apartments, and livestock for lease, and I come around with a salary of 6,000 a year and can’t get a loan.

It has been driving me crazy for the past month and a half and that is why I have been rather reclusive and quite lately. Not that I don’t want to talk to you all. I am sharing this with you now because I have always valued your input and love the wise-cracks you come up with at my expense.

I know it is the Holiday season and I should be focusing on putting out work that represents Santa, presents under the tree, or people walking around the city in the blizzard cold, looking for loan sharks to get them over the holiday hump, that comes with undue expenses.

I just can’t get over how I was cyber-hacked by a British company by the name of EPOCH, have to pay rates of UK, conversion rates and my bank associates sit around looking to me to pay this horrendous bill, taking no blame upon themselves for allowing payments to be overcharged on a DEBIT account beyond my spending limit, as if I was using a CREDIT card. I have not used a CREDIT CARD since I was 18. I know better.

Another reason why I am mad. I know better, than to allow companies like EPOCH to get the better of me and in trying to be clever and hide money away, I got hit regardless.

My site is not supposed to be about doom and gloom. I don’t write this to bore you or to scare you away from NSFW producers. I love sex workers and what they have to go through to produce material that will make you jack and fap. I just don’t like the people that take advantage of others in the name of a dollar, lie about transactions being fair and viable and continue to pound people in the sand for another grand after collecting nearly 3,000.00. Insane to spend that much in two months and nothing to show for it.

Well that is not true either. I have a whole collection of prints to develop in the coming month or so and I am happy about the new poses and images of naked women, like Sayuri Tee, and Valeri Wow Boobs, but not having the money to pay bills bites ass hard.

I would much rather spend my time reading the cynical rantings of https://sharpnova.newgrounds.com/ (Who likes to go around newgrounds.com trash talking about the talents of the numerous creators and has a way of depressing me about my own work.) Then paying endless bills to a site that produces F-grade amateur sexual content. I have to say that I loved the girls and that is why my Discord server is filled with selfies and shots of prospective images I will set to art. I have nothing against the women that use the site and the customers that pay out...it is management that has set me on fire!

I really don’t want to bore you with the details. I have written letters to the company and to my bank and all in all come January 3 my bank account should be square...I will have to fight hard to pay my taxes this year...and I have a traffic ticket that if I don’t pay soon might have my license flagged, revoked, or whatever other penalty comes from not paying a ticket on time. What I can do for your pleasure and my own sanity is share a little letter I scribed about EPOCH and SUPERCHATLIVE.com. You can call it a consumer review:

 It might be strange to some to find I keep a journal and tabs on everything I do in life. Especially those pertaining to where my money goes. I don’t like surprises or things I can’t account for. That is why I don’t use a credit card or buy anything on credit. Either debit or cash, or no business. It is how I like to buy art, or settle debts. Money orders are still in fashion for me.

 So you can understand my surprise and anger at the idea that when I went to the bank on November 27 2019 after canceling my subscription to “SuperChatLive.com” to find an outstanding statement of some 1000+ dollars that needed to be paid to the bank.

 What is an impossibility and unexplainable by their Billing Support department has become an uncomfortable reality for me. What was supposed to be a simple transaction of what I have into their accounts from my accounts upon the moment of exchanging CVC information has turned into a mystery of how an entity that supplies sex to it’s consumers and models can run away with 1,000.00 or more dollars without my bank citing fraud. I did not approve any transactions after cancellation and infact I left 305 tokens on my dashboard, an amount of 40.00 that I feel I am due, after this confusion.

When dealing with a sex franchise, it can be embarrassing for the subscriber, when in the midst of a transaction dispute, to admit that they might have been defrauded out of so much money, because of the product they were paying for. Because NSFW material is given such a bad wrap in society, because strip clubs are homes of degenerates, because the entire practice is akin to prostitution and the subscriber would have to admit he/she paid for sexual gratification, many do not raise a stink if the company dips into their accounts and takes more than the subscriber is willing to give.

I am a NSFW artist, and I tell the whole world all the time. I love women and the gratification that comes from paying them for a service and seeing that they are well fed. I have no qualms in raising a stink about being defrauded by an entity that not only took 40.00 and what was contracted for them to have, but had the ill advised gaul to overcharge my debit account and have me explain to my bank, why and where my money went, with no concern for my privacy or desire to uphold the anonymity, due to sex purchasers. I am writing this article as an awareness board for others that might have had this issue, or are unaware of the pitfalls that may arise when dealing with dealers of sex.

 It is not so much the sex, breasts, hips and presentation of women climaxing on camera that causes embarrassment, or the fact that most video’s are recorded and men can masturbate to a live partner in the safety of the platform. It is the idea that in order for this franchise to continue without scandal and the women can continue incurring an income from the numerous footage taken of their private parts, I would have to remain silent and fit more than 1,000.00 to a company that has already achieved 2,000.00+ from my person alone. There are over 2,000 users of the platform at any given time and to be honest the company is doing their client base the disservice, not me alone.

Will they give me my money back? Will they reimburse me for the embarrassment and the uncomfortable feeling associated with cyber-theft? Will they hold themselves accountable for confusing the banking institution and the subscriber who held an ill-advised trust in the arithmetic aptitude and allowed the transactions of digitized currency to transfer from their bank to their greedy coffers? All of this seems unlikely if the level of concern is not measured to the board of representatives whom concern themselves so diligently to the safety of the consumer and the ‘models,’ who interact with their online platform.

 It would suffice me heartily if this company never received another dime from patreons and passing consumers of the sex-trade. They make a mockery of the enterprise.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!

SINCE I AM SO PISSED OFF I WILL BE SURE TO GIVE THE ENTIRE STORY A FEATURE ON https://avproductionsblog.wordpress.com/ AFTER COMPLETING THE ASSOCIATED ART WORK!! You can all look forward to that. More titties and pretty faces.

I have never been one to dismiss an art request out of sheer disappointment in the content or theme. Most of the time I avoid an art request because I can not justify the piece or idea being in my gallery. A lot of the time the ideas presented to me to draw have nothing to do with my work, current projects, past projects, or style. Then again, maybe they do and I refuse to admit it. The “Pokemon Trainer and Vaporeon,” piece is one of those requests, I’d normally avoid.

Not only do I not understand the craze behind having sex with a Pokemon, I don’t think many in the Furry Community take kindly to such a vast universe, crowding their creative space. I am only adding fuel to the controversial fire, that may be silently understood as, ‘let sitting dogs sit.’ Loosing myself in the endless possibilities of smut generated from the Pokemon universe, would be a tireless adventure and I am rather flattered by the few fans who may appreciate my take on anal pleasure given by a futa Eevee. Which because I never could put a gender on Eevee when it is in its original form and not swimming around a lake, I find this take of Eevee to be most appropriate, if not expected.

Yet, again, I think I am the only one to suggest that most Pokemon fit into the realm of gender in-specificity and most Furries avoid interchanging the genders of their OC’s.

Again these are things I don’t like to think about, so don’t ask me, ‘ why I made Eevee a Futa?’, I don’t have an answer. I just did not think Eevee could ever be a male, nor would a female Eevee do much to please her trainer sexually with that tail. Then again, maybe she could. Now that would take on a new twist, and I’d have to redraw the whole thing. Have her standing in Freeza’s power up pose, chest out and smiling from the sense of domination, which is completely not at all what my friend desired to see. No telling what my friend, TTFPH productions, thought the project would turn out as, but this what you get when you mess with an artist like me. A world of trouble.

I crammed in lots of hours yesterday to complete this piece before the holidays end. It is not everyday I can put in the necessary hours to complete a project and when I have a day I can use to finish a piece of art, it brings me back to the days when I’d spend my whole weekend playing video games.

I would have and probably should have spent the day pinning away about only having $35.00 to my name, but I didn’t. Instead I put on the finishing touches to my new Pokemon trainer, anal play with Vaporeon. A piece of art TTFPH will remember for a long time because I used his name as a sound effect for when Eevee slides into the woman’s ass. (TTFPH is suppose to mean Total Thomas Fan and something about his name...I have for the life of me, been trying to figure out how a Total Thomas Fan can be so perverted. To this day I can’t figure out if this individual is spamming me, a virus, or a figment of my virtual imagination, but he has a wicked sense of humor and in sharing with me what makes him laugh, he asked me to draw a Pokemon fucking its trainer.)

Now, as I was drawing this piece, I really got to thinking and at times that is scary, but consider this with me for a moment.

No one can honestly tell you what the hell a Pokemon is. I mean most of them take after some animal (Which is why I would put this fetish of fucking Pokemon in Furry Fetish.) and that kind makes each trainer, to me, a zoo keeper, stuck in a world filled with talking animals and shining unicorns. Most mystical ideas have been accepted by the masses. Animal spirits taking over people and giving them the power to take over the world. Except Pokemon are not like that at all. I found it fascinating that something as wild as a Pokemon can be relateable to teenagers and adults and not a single one of those adults can tell you why Eevee has a transformation to coincide with every known element in our universe. To what purpose, does that little mouse or water rat, get to transform that many times and how often does he have to fuck his trainer before he reaches his ultimate level?

I watched Pokemon like the rest of the world growing up, in New Jersey. I collected the cards and would gamble my little pennies in the locker room, after school, win a little, lose a little. There was little else to do as a kid growing up. I really can’t say I was a die hard fan though, and I never understood those that claimed Pokemon was for a homosexual audience specifically and that you were gay if you watched it. I never felt that way about the original series and did not get the same feeling that Sailor Moon, gave...I knew as a kid, watching too much Sailor Moon and a guy could slip into one of two directions. He grows to be a horn dog, or trying to dress up like a pink haired princess. Pokemon did not arouse me or make me consider what it would be like to be fucked by Squirttle.

It presented a story about undying friendships among creatures that have obvious environmental differences and when they formed a team under a trainer they could respect, they did their best to please their master. Now as a devious as that would be, their was little evidence of anything besides BDSM as a possible turn of events, it never happened but domination fetishes are far from gay. Then again at the age of 13, I was given a cat collar with a little bell on it, to wear, by my goth girlfriend and made to eat her pussy in public. Sigh the good old days. Like clock work she would come around to berate the time I spent watching Pokemon, calling it gay and a tool to warp the minds of children to be ok with homosexuality. I kept looking for it but for years Nurse Jenny was chased by Brock, Misty ran away from Ash who would chase her like a lost puppy. The beastiality was not even homosexual because it was always the male Pokemon fucking the female trainer. As usual I have found a way to break from tradition and without the permission of anyone, not even old girlfriends from my 13 year old past, and present a side of Pokemon most can only dream of.

Now just because someone claimed something I enjoyed to be gay, this never deterred me from watching, but like Naruto, you can only here the same catch phrase so many times before you just get bored and want to know how the story ends. Unlike Naruto, DBZ, Scooby Doo and the thousands of cartoons I grew up with, Pokemon does not seem to have an end and people still want to try to Catch Them ALL!

I can't believe it really. I have had so much to do and have been so busy with the preparations for 'Bad Guy,' page 7-9 that I have not really had time to catch you all up on my little adventures.

Outside of my stories with the Dream Weaver, I have been working on a SuperChatLive.com anthology. Considering how they treated me in the last month, I really should not give them a moment of my time but to tell you all to stay far away from the site, if you value the money in your bank account. I don't place any blame on the girls. They were awesome and very supportive of my art. In fact on my Discord server in the Lewd-art WIP channel, you will see several pieces I plan to digitize in order to celebrate those women and express how much I enjoyed masturbating with them. SuperChatLive.com is awesome in that regard. To be able to masturbate with a woman through video feeds and webinars is an awesome way to spend money and is a great idea. Better than going to the strip club. The only issue is the excessive drawing of my bank account when I don't authorize the payments. More on that later, I guess. Not really sure how I should go about explaining it. Should I write a separate blog explaining my disgust with SuperChatLive.com or should I fold it into one monologue in the midst of talking about the girls that populate the site. While at the same time assuring you that at no time do I hold any ill feelings for the ladies.

I might have to write two different articles.

On top of that TTFPH productions has asked me to draw Eevee as futa fucking his pokemon trainer. Exciting right! I know my Futa fans will love that one. I really stayed away from TTFPH productions for a while because there ideas were over the top for me. I am always in need of money and a way to pay bills, especially when I make the mistake of allowing some online smut site to over draft my Debit account...ugh, to this day I can not account for it. It is a Debit account, not a credit card! Anyway I have been bending myself over backwards, trying to figure out a way to makes ends meet, and then Ttfph comes along and asks for a cum soaked pokemon trainer. He was in luck though, because he is not the only one that asked for one. https://bmesias063.newgrounds.com/ has in the past asked me to do the same and I have always put it off, because well, he does it so well, and so does https://theshadling.newgrounds.com/ that i figured it was a trend that I missed and a fad that was over with by now..I was late on getting in on the action. What with all of my 'Bad Guy,' work and Inktober Dreams.

I will finish the SuperChatLive.com anthology and add the articles associated with the work here: https://avproductionsblog.wordpress.com/ only because the loss of money and the days put into getting to know the girls and having something to talk about in regards to why they do what they do, falls in line with a lot of my previous articles surrounding financial issues, prostitution, sex trade, sex-offenders, and the overall defense of the NSFW community and how institutions that buy and sell sex should hold themselves to a standard that allows for good business. Not rob there consumers and force me to write an article that puts them on blast and could cost the women, that sell their good looks, to pay for their own livelihoods, their access to our ever expanding free internet market.

By the end of the month, I hope to be in good standing with the bank. It would be nice if I could sell art in the mean time and get back to where I was before all of this confusion, but as long as I live and despite the hardships in life, the art must go on!

So I went to my favorite coffee shop today, on my way to run errands and I bumped into a woman by the name of Mrs. Donna, who claimed to work for the local paper. My ears perked up and all I managed to get was her first name, and thought, I would come home later and look her up. To see if she has written about the Confederate Flag and Statue issue, or what is it that she writes. Unfortunately, nothing came up. Not a single blog, or advertisement with her face and name...except a Realtor by the name of Donna Rezen. (She is a looker though. The woman I met, had shorter hair, Same smile though.)

I was really disappointed at the idea that I could not email her my blog on my thoughts on the Flag issue, or to hear from her personally how she feels about it, considering how much water is under that bridge surrounding the Civil War, and what we all have come to terms with or consensus on what the bottom-line surrounding the war was, and what we all desire our futures to be, in this small hamlet of the greater United States.

Well, not one to be turned off by misinformation: I sent the email, anyway!

 I was looking through your staff listings and I could not find a woman by the name of Donna. I met her a few days ago and she claimed to work for your paper. I was really interested in giving her a blog to review and considering publishing for your paper a similar article, in light of the recent developments surrounding the Confederate Statue in the middle of Pittsboro NC and the increasing numbers of Confederate flags being raised on flag posts at Full-Mast as if someone is supposed to be giving honor to supporters of such a hateful organization. 

 It is 2019 and considering the water-shortages plaguing the North, the identity crisis's of the West, and we all know Florida is going to fall into the ocean one day due to all of the drugs that pour into their ports, you would believe the East Coast of America would learn to avoid the disasters, be they man-made or natural, that mar beautiful landscapes. We have not it seems. For we still argue over what is clearly self-evident and make excuses for the Rebel Red, while at the same time pleading allegiance to the Red White and Blue of the Union for which it stands. 

 I am much to young to take on the task of holding the line in the midst of civil war, or to know the heart ache that comes with having to make such hard choices. I do know if I was born during that century and had to do it all over again, I would for the sake of all that is good and pure, uphold the honor due to the liberation secured and sacrifices made wave that Star Spangled Beauty that the Chinese are willing to wave in the name of their own political insecurities.  https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/independence-day

https://ecp.yusercontent.com/mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fart.ngfiles.com%2Fimages%2F623000%2F623330_adventvoice_independence-day.jpg%3Ff1530747859&t=1574196647&ymreqid=b7096aa2-b493-8da4-2f8e-c40019010000&sig=XeIQkEawG.4bLl9HOHDgfQ--~C

 NOW that you know a little about me, I can take the time to get back to what I was writing to you about. Mrs. Donna. She says she works for your paper and I am sure it is true, but at the moment the only Donna I have found in Pittsboro NC that might have the where-with-all to not only work for you and sell homes, is Donna Rezen https://donnarezen.hpw.com/ 

 I hate to assume things and that is why I am writing to ask, if this is the same woman that not only works for you but works well at showcasing the beautiful landscapes Chatham County has to offer? 

 If this is the same woman, could you do me the favor of sending her this blog and having her read it. I would have emailed it to her directly but she does not have a section on your Staff listings and I am not sure that Casey Mann or Randall Rigsbee, though they are the editors listed, would be interested to know what some stalwarts think about all this business of waving that joke of a flag in such a peace-filled part of these greater United States. 

 https://avproductionsblog.wordpress.com/2019/10/04/no-love-for-the-triple-ks/ I am certain that Mrs. Donna on the other hand, would not mind reading what others are willing to discuss out in the open, in the midst of our ever growing digital world. 

 https://ecp.yusercontent.com/mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fart.ngfiles.com%2Fimages%2F1042000%2F1042594_adventvoice_no-love-for-the-triple-k-s.jpg%3Ff1570233347&t=1574196647&ymreqid=b7096aa2-b493-8da4-2f8e-c40019010000&sig=VlkM.yrta.hXpbTHbROq.Q--~C So if you would be so kind as to inform her that I was looking for her and to email me as soon as is convenient for her. I would certainly appreciate the outreach and to give her a scoop on what the silent majority think about all this talk surrounding the Confederate Flags and Statue. 

Happy Thanksgiving, 

         From your Advent Voice! 

Please keep your fingers crossed in hopes of a positive response.

It has been a bad few weeks, for me recently and it should not have been. There are no real challenges in my social life. My struggles have been with finding time to write. Several pages of my journals remain empty or are held open for completing, "Bad Guy." https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/dw-nadia-cover-page-bad-guy https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/bad-guy-page-1-male-toxicity-free-forests https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/bad-guy-page-2-i-d-like-to-introduce-nadia-richardson https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/out-of-the-woods-bad-guy-page-3 https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/nadia-the-sweet-devoted-wife-bad-guy-page-4 https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/you-wanna-sneak-me-bad-guy-page-5 https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/bad-guy-page-6-the-dream-weaver-sneaks-nadia

A story I desire to finish and that means ignoring everything in life until I finish it. That means no art requests/commissions, spending money on anything. Hearing from those in my church or immediate circles about how insulated and isolated I have become. It happens every time I am about to embark on a new project that is as time consuming as, "Bad Guy."

I should be used to it by now, but it still irks me to find people completely disinterested in my first love.

I am not so much amazed, as I am fascinated, to find that in my online world, there is an extensive digital art competition, among us hackers, anarchists, deviants, delinquents and slackers. There is a whole world of art that is sold, auctioned, haggled over and paid for among us, whom from the outside looking in would be considered as sexually frustrated and friendless as our isolation and devotion to our work would imply. We are talented thinkers, organizers, and dreamers, and none of this translates in the real world. We know how to make money and spend it. All from the comforts of our home and can have an idea that is bigger than Saturday Morning Cartoons in a matter minutes, that will set off a trend on twitter for two or more years. Monetized or not, the gravity behind our individualized relevance is unmatched by our predecessors.

Still the Economists, the Washington Post, or any other main stream publication, or the local and independent papers, refuse to write anything pleasant about our creativity. The Tumblr fiasco proved that. The notion that when I go to a real life gallery, four to five years later, no one has presented a digital master piece that an art collector will pay $1,800 USD as he would for a traditional piece of art of a landscape.

My mind has yet to conceptualize the idea that I am still ahead of my time and the world is not ready to dive into the art that fills my dreams.  

~Art is my livelihood~

William Styron was a favorite writer of mine for a long while. An American with a fine pen and deep feeling put in his prose. As I read his fictional pieces, it was his work that allowed me to see that despite the effort, many seek to hold onto their anonymity, creative writers hardly avoid putting a lot of themselves, their beliefs, life’s motivations and dreams, into the work.

He would create a character, give them a name, and as they spoke, if you read-or listen carefully, you’d see the authors face and glean their dark secrets...William Styron, though a talented writer, suffered from depression towards the end of his career and most of his stories hint to him being that kind of person. He should have had friends that would have talked him out of it. He, as I, hungered for his works to be revered and make him a house hold name, short of this achievement he said as much in “Sophie’s Choice,” that their was not much for a writer to hope for after the grip of the Great Depression. I am sure most of his family muscled through those dark days, but Styron was always haunted by the memory of poverty and did not take kindly to having to ever repeat such a squalid life style. As his fictional characters ended their lives, through some depressive state of mind, so did he.

I did not come this realization until much later after having learned a little about him.

I survived our countries modern Great Depression, but did not have the books of the past to guide me through. I did not equate my present darkness of 2008, that constantly hides as a shade in the corner of the room, a reminder of what happens when money is of no consequence; with that of the dark days of the 1920’s.

I was of the generation of the Simpsons, Ghibli Studios, and President Clinton’s wonderful economic boom. The internet was supposed to be the godsend of the world and make conventional forms of processing wealth as irrelevant as Medieval history lessons in high-school. With the introduction to e-commerce, who needs to clock into a workspace or office, when they can barter and trade goods from home? I am sure horror movies have been made from this theme already, so stop me if you’ve heard this one before. I chose art as my livelihood because it is the one thing I dream about every night.

An empty canvas is my mind and the ink begins to bleed on the panel and an image forms. I hold it in my mind for a few hours and when I wake, I can’t sit still, until I’ve recreated what I dreamed.

That is why I created the Dream Weaver. He is a model of what and who I am, to illustrate and reenact the steps of my dreams. To, as William Styron, and any other creative writer, express whatever is relevant to me at the moment, painting the images that come to mind and move the story along, while retaining my own anonymity. Through this art form I can uphold my livelihood and detract any negative press to my fictional characters. This of course has been the safety of past art producers and true to my devotion to the guild, I hold to this tradition.

In the production of a good or commodity, there is an expectation in the eventuality of selling it. This process has become so automatic for the success of a society that is expected and mechanical. The real art, is seen when one can take what is universally understood and make it attractive to the consumer. Prime example. I was visiting with a sex-worker, who’s bottomline and sense of fun is only accessed when I give money. She would not even show her face past the veil unless I gave her a dollar. There was no talk about the weather. She did not want to know anything about me and did not want me to know anything about her. She was stalwart in the exchanging of funds before proceeding. Which to her credit is perfectly fine, if she could find a guy that could keep it up, after being treated so poorly. It is her want. Beyond the securing of money and aiding in her livelihood I was nothing more than an obstacle to overcome by selling the most product to those willing to buy in. If I did not, others would. This same directness of customer service can be applied to things outside of sex-work but I like the idea of what we produce when we take what can be a pleasurable experience and sour it with the mechanics of placing a dollar amount on a human experience.

Writing for William Styron was no longer a pleasure when he was not paid enough so he stunted himself. Sex was no longer enjoyable for the prostitute if she was not given enough money to buy a car and she no longer communicated with her clients unless, given a reason to smile. The product they sold is their livelihood and because they breathe life into their work and infuse a piece of themselves into every ounce of what they do, they feel they deserve payment for it. Which they do, mind you. This is why we buy books, buy sex, or buy art, because of the human communication infused into it and the desire to escape whatever doldrums happen to be at present plaguing our minds.

The trading of money for a good or service is to bring pleasure and unless I work day and night on my craft, I will lose out on my livelihood. If I was to react as the prostitute and not cater to the cares of my clients or fans, I’d damage my livelihood and the guild.

At least Styron is no longer here to face the consequences of his negative attitude toward people. As an artist I face the attitudes of people and relish in the interaction. For every moment can be turned into a work of art. Makes a good story and can guide my pen to reveal a little more about myself.

“Why is art a keen source of income for me?”

I went to University to become a lawyer.

Another neat trick that recently has put a hamper on my ability to secure funds in our technological world. Is this insistence of Pay-Pal, or any other form of direct banking service, not to recognize my bank account. A real headache. It is rather unexplainable but the bank does not understand it and neither does Pay-pal. But even if my art sold and money flooded my pay-pal account, my bank would not honor the promissory note of sale and I’d have to for fete the money. I’ve been stalling further advertisement of my work, until I can secure a proper pay-pal account. I can send money though. Isn’t that odd? One more mystery to add to my laundry list of mysteries. The world will move further and further away from cash and I will be on the outside looking in, traveling miles out of my way to send a money order or check to a business for proof of sale. Because I am unaware of what hinders my ability to secure funds and transfer it to my bank, I have yet to devise a subsidiary company that can aid others in similar straits against pay-pal. Because I am the only one that cares about the clash between digital currency and traditional currency, I can not develop a staff that can aid me in this raising of awareness and bolstering of my livelihood.

I don’t expect anyone to care about earning a bill of sale for what I produce, as much as I do. The days of publishers and sponsors for creative material is over with. I was talking to a friend a few days ago about this very thing. We compared what attracts people to today’s music, entertainment in general, they all follow the same formula. Musicians have managers and booking agents. Artists have gallery owners. Writers have publishers. Anyway, my friends son is a singer who for years has wanted a record deal and for years has been denied. Short of sponsoring himself, he will forever be just dreaming of the day he can hold an album in his hand of his songs the world will sing along with him. Which others of lesser talent are honored and given a contract for hours of material, you’ll never remember. He works a regular 9-5 but in his spare time plays with his hobby. It is not his livelihood because the money he’d put into it does not equal in the value he’d receive for it.

No one gets into this business to break even. They get into it to make millions.

They get into it because it is their livelihood.  

I am sure I have discussed this many times in the past and have been sure to explain to my readers why art is so important.

"Armageddon," https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/adventvoice/armageddon was a way to illustrate what the world would feel like to me if there was no avenue to present some of the interesting things I keep locked away in my mind.

Now, I broach the subject because I am still unsure of how to verbalize to my family, how there will always be a market for the illustrator and creative writer, coupled together, there will always be a desire in my heart to sell and make comics.

I hear the ghost stories of censored regimes making footholds in other countries and I remain thankful I live in a country that allows me the freedom to write and draw what I want public. But how do I explain to my mother, who for fifteen years and counting has not had a steady stream of income and has always demanded that I find the funds to keep her fed, that things are tough right now for the artist? How do I explain that outside of art, comics, writing and the hope of procuring money to stay afloat at the next financial downturn, where there is no avenue of employment for a dreamer like myself?

I have yet to really explain my anger against federal regulations held against me, that prevents access to a normal 9-5 at a retail outlet mall, corporate setting, government work of any kind, a bank, a doctors office, minimal labor, entry level positions, the global market, period.

I do aim to do so.

For the sake of the thousands in the same position, who like me, would love to care for their families with something more than empty promises and excuses about not being able to manipulate enough hearts to buy into a crowd-funding scheme. (Interesting how the crowd-funding plan is little different from the pyramid schemes of the 70's-90's. Both occurred, after a financial screw-up.)

Illustrating/writing is the most honest form of work a man like myself can hope to have in the midst of so much National insecurities. It is my therapy.

You know my financial handicap has nothing to do with being an ex-con, black, or not knowing who my father was or is. Even if any of that occurred in my life, I would never have had allowed that to stop me from achieving the dream.

I've worked some of the worst jobs with a smile and all of my employers knew I'd been to other darker places before hiring me. There are many that have been to prison, have tattoos, are considered the scum of society and have access to work. My mother has no record and fled America to live in South America because of the GFC of 2008 hit so hard. There was nothing to go around. I can't work and for the next 30 years have no hope for an occupation of worth because of the black mark that has marred many a man and nearly captured a very affluent President.

I can't even discuss that moment in time with you all with any candidness, lest I lose the opportunity to produce more writings, more art and speak to you all in general.

So you can see, Art is my therapy.

Of course I wish I've not had a marred past. Then I could publish works without fear and produce lewd material with an endless ease of a man with nothing to lose. Then again, we all have something to lose or can erupt the ire of someone and fall pray to slander, liable, or falsehoods. I just happened to have the experience sooner than most.

Art is my therapy.